Coping with Friends and Loved Ones with Mental Illness

Mental illness runs in my family—I've been there, I've experienced it. Have you ever suffered from a type of mental illness, yourself? What about your family? Loved one(s)? If so, you're probably already familiar with the hard choices you have to make from time to time, and the painful process of rehabilitation, seeking treatment, etc.

However, if this is new to you, you're probably up to your knees in muck and aren't sure what to do. How do you go about it? Who do you talk to? It's frustrating—you just might want to tear your hair out.

I understand that feeling of hopelessness. Although I can't provide you with the magic bullet, and each case must be considered on a case-by-case basis, I can provide you with some basic essential tactics to confront the chaos. Mental illness is difficult to deal with, and it's almost just as difficult when you have someone close to you who suffers from it.

1. Understand: It isn't their fault.

Mental illness is, as the name implies, an illness. It is not something a person fakes or contracts intentionally. Someone can suffer from a mental illness all their life or one day develop it out of the blue. These sudden bursts of mental illness are the most startling, and thus the most difficult to deal with. Some have lived completely normal lifestyles for years, then one day developed full-blown schizophrenia. Although it is extremely unlikely, it is possible.

Remember, they don't want to be ill. A relative exception to this is hypochondria, which I will discuss in another blog/article.

2. Speak with others dealing with similar issues.

You aren't alone. There are thousands, if not millions of other people who have a friend or loved one struggling with mental illness. One of the most useful and constructive things you can do in this situation is find someone to talk to. It's even better if you form a long-term friendship with someone in a similar situation—you can share the ups and downs. Bottling it up will eventually make you explode, and that won't help your friend or loved one feel better.

But where can you meet people like this? There are group meetings for people in your position, clubs, etc. I will be posting some examples later on in this article. Again, you aren't alone.

3. Help them find help—Immediately.

One of the worst things you can do is wait. Like any other type of illness, mental illness can progress and worsen if left untreated. The worst cases to do this in are bipolar disorder (which I wrote about in a previous entry), schizophrena and eating disorders such as anorexia/bulimea. They will become harder and harder to stabilize, and eventually may require hospitalization to effectively treat.

One thing that prevents people who are mentally ill from getting help is the fear of social alienation. Will seeking professional help make them "weird"? Strange? A “freak”? The answer is no. Some people may be close-minded and make this assumption, but in today's society seeking emotional/mental help is slowly becoming more socially acceptable. People who are mentally ill may not have the courage to seek help. Many do not, and the results of doing so can be devastating.

4. Be there for them when they need you.

You are not alone, like I said before. However, they shouldn't be, either. High degrees of mental illness are often accompanied by feelings of helplessness, loneliness, feeling useless, etc. Thinking, "I'm alone, nobody wants to help me" leads to further depression, possibly developing other types of mental illness. Are you their lover? Parent? Friend? Be there with them as you normally would—no, more—and let them feel secure. People with mental illnesses are easier to treat when they are comfortable and relaxed, thus willing to get help.

5. Consider therapy, yourself.

People don't just get counseling and therapy when they suffer from schizophrena, biopolar disorder, and so on. Many also go to therapy when they suffer a loss in their family, when a loved one or friend is ill and the pressure is stressing them out, or when tragedy occurs in their home.

Mental illness is another something you have to cope with. When you have a friend or loved one with mental illness, this often puts you in league with the above situations. Don't think you don't need it—you probably do.

6. Educate yourself.

The more you know about something, the easier it is to overcome it. While many forms of mental illness are impossible for the patient to "overcome," the patient's loved ones are capable of overcoming the feeling of being overwhelmed. It IS possible to gain control of the situation.

There's a saying somewhere that (roughly) goes, "We fear nothing more than the unknown." There are few statements closer to the truth.

So if and when your friend/loved one's illness is diagnosed, educate yourself about it. Look at pamphlets, research on the internet, use Wikipedia, anything. Understand the disorder. You'll find yourself, many times, going, "Oh, so that's why they do this..."

Mental illness runs in my family. I, also, have a form of mental illness that I've struggled to cope with for years. As you can see, however, it's completely possible to function like every other person in society if you get proper help and assess the situation. It is possible to be there for your friends and loved ones who struggle to deal with their illness, although it is rarely easy. You already have the tools to do this in your hands. You just don't know it.

If you do nothing else, think of this—what if you were the one ill? What would YOU want?

Bipolar Disorder--What Not to Assume

I guarantee that you've heard the words "Bipolar disorder" somewhere before. In a magazine? In a doctor's office waiting room? At the cafe? Somewhere dispersed in a conversation you have with one of your BFFs? Think. Where was it...?

Bipolar Disorder, like every other mental illness, is very complex. More than one type of Bipolar Disorder exists, and people can have it to a greater degree. I, myself have Bipolar Disorder. To say the least, it throws a wrench in your plans/goals in life.

As a result of the media and baseless gossip, a number of misconceptions about the illness have spread. Let's address these, shall we?

Common Misconceptions

1. "Bipolar Disorder" means you jump from high to low--and that's that.

Yes and no. Bipolar disorder is categorized into two types, Type I and Type II, respectively. The former is categorized by the "off-the-walls" behavior and general mania, racing thoughts, excitement, etc. whereas Type II is categorized by heavier bouts of depression. Both do include these mood swings. The extreme cases of bipolar disorder--people attempting to do the impossible, ending up killing themselves, holding up planes, going on killing rampages and so on--who are diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder Type I.

Type II Bipolar is more common, and some consider it a "more subdued form of Bipolar Type I."


2. "Bipolar Disorder" is simple to diagnose--you have it or you don't.

Mental illness is complicated, to begin with. Bipolar Disorder even more so. This is because the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder, reoccurring mood swings between two extremes, often resemble other psychological problems. The depressive episodes of Bipolar Disorder may be mistaken for being chronic depression, whereas "manic" high-energy periods may be written off as ADHD. Often diagnosis takes years, if not decades. By the time the official diagnosis has been confirmed, treatment may prove difficult depending on the severity and progression of the illness.


3. There are a few drugs that treat it, which work for everyone

Treating Bipolar Disorder like any other mental illness is a big mistake. Because medications often treat one facet of the problem and not others, strong doses of one medication may further upset the balance the victim is experiencing. For example, writing Bipolar Disorder off as depression and treating it with anti-depressants may push the patient into a constant manic state. Similarly, treating them with sedating drugs may push them into depression. Often medications which are also used to treat seizure disorders also prove effective.

Furthermore, every case is different. One patient may be resistant or have a bad reaction to one medication which may have done wonders for another. Patients may go on and off different medications over time.


4. People with Bipolar Disorder have predictable mood swings

There is no "waiting for the pendulum to swing the other way." People may have episodes of mania or depression for weeks, months, (maybe) years at a time before having another mood swing. The episodes tend to be relatively sporadic, although the events occurring in the patient's life undoubtedly have an affect on this. There is no order, such as Mania-->Depression-->Mania--Depression. Bipolar Disorder is often treatable, but always unpredictable.

Living With It

I've lived with Bipolar disorder for most of my life. I understand these misconceptions better than your average Joe. It's difficult to live with, but it is treatable and manageable. Not to say it's easy to manage. I still struggle, some days, and there are days when I feel on top of the world or completely useless. However, being able to deal with it means having the strength to stagger up off the ground, dust yourself off and keep pushing forward.

The Psychological Benefits of Reading

What's the point of reading? I've had a number of my acquaintances ask me as much. I've never had an acquaintance who was an English major ask me (with a serious face), but then again a lot of my better acquaintances are political science or philosophy majors. Go figure. Nonetheless, they ask me, reading is just staring at the words on a page, right? Memorizing little passages and fantasizing about them?

Bzzt. Wrong. There's much more to gain than just memorizing the words on a page. In this article, I'll give you five ways you'll benefit from reading regularly, and this is just a handful of the bigger ones.

Five Good Reasons to Read

1. Increased Focus/Attention Span

Those who read regularly will notice they can hold their focus significantly longer than their TV-junkie pals. This comes in handy when you need to force yourself to read critically or look for a subtle point, somewhere.

2. Bulk Up Your Vocabulary

You'll definitely be a better Scrabble player, that's for sure. Larger vocabularies enable you to understand more complex books/articles/etc., and give you more tools to use in the next point, which is....

3. Write Better

Do you learn more from reading bad fiction or good fiction? I'm on the fence, here, but Francine Prose, a brilliant woman who recently wrote a book titled "Reading Like a Writer," presses the notion that it's more constructive (and inspiring!) to read authors who've done it RIGHT. If you're well-read, you'll gain a lot, either way.

4. Reduce Stress

Ruminating and feeling anxious requires a significant amount of mental effort, believe it or not. It may feel effortless while we're sulking, but in reality a lot of inert energy is being spent. Don't you remember being so frustrated with something that you wore yourself out? Sitting down and reading a novel sucks up this negative energy, instead turning it into something useful.

5. Sharpen the Axe

I'm referring to your mind, here. It's not that "reading makes you smarter," exactly (although many testify that it does), but doing something like reading which requires mental effort gets the brain to work up a sweat. It keeps your mind flexible and in-tune, ready to work harder and easier to start up.

Doesn't at least ONE of these sound nice? Then get to it! Crack open that book and reap all the benefits you can. Even if the amount of reading isn't very intense, try to read on a regular basis. You may find yourself getting more sucked in than you expected, and craving more.